Empty palms
in a crowd too dense to cross without waiting
When I think about it now
I silently question my heart
What was it that hurt so much
How did it betray me, drift away from the very core
What possibly could have been so precious to hold
that I did not look up or look around
to witness all the magic taking place
and left with empty palms and marks from the close-knit grip.
A blurry image of a child offering me roses
wearing an exquisite smile comes to my mind
mystifying realities and dreams
from which I probably recently woke
I just walked past him
nodding my head side to side, denying the loving grace
only to regret it steps ahead
Why did I not laugh when two boys standing just a foot away
giggled wholesomely, enjoying the true meaning of life
in a crowd too dense to cross without waiting
I know I was elated to see them laugh
but just too gripped in my own despair.
Why did I cry so often
why did I rush from all the places I loved
were you that significant
I wonder now
because the memories I have of the past
does not involve you or things we did together
all I have in my spirit is some half heartfelt emotions
and an immense amount of regret.
I glanced at the sky but did not stop to lookup
I touched the flowers but did not feel their gentleness
I walked fast in the giant green field when I wanted to run
I only extended my palms standing in the shade when I wanted to dance in the July rain
I loved in my heart but not showed
I heard stories but never listened
I dreamt too closely and did not live
Just a few days more
Walk a little longer
almost there
And now, when I look back
I wasn’t truly there
and as of today, I am nowhere.
